The Definition of “Householder”
house•hold•er
| ˈhousˌ(h)ōldər |
noun
1. the head of a household.
2. Buddhism a layperson; a person who is not a monk.
3. taalumot.space definition anyone at any stage of life committed to the spiritual path of relationship, taking care of others, engaging with society, and making the world a better place to live, rather than retreating to the mountaintop and seeking solitary enlightenment.
The term “householder” comes to me from Buddhism but resonates harmoniously with all of my lineages.
Its history within Buddhism (through many translations) has followed an interesting evolution. My sense is that it functioned almost as an epithet in the early Buddhist tradition, with “home-leaving” — i.e. leaving behind material concerns and relationships and becoming a monk — held up as an ideal. In contrast, “householders” were laypeople, people entangled in the complications of labor and family and society, for whom spiritual practice and attainment must be necessarily limited. In exchange for their diminished spiritual achievements, householders could acquire merit by financially supporting the sangha.
This changed over time, though, as the Buddhadharma disseminated throughout more cultures and conditions. Eventually, traditions emerged in which the intense spiritual rigors and challenges of householder life became (in my view, properly) revered, and in many cases the daily duties and relational complications of the monastery became sort of surrogate householder training. The Vimalakirti Sutra is arguably the canonical Buddhist text in praise of the spiritual virtues of householder life.
As I have matured, I have come to see householder practice as the deepest possible path for me, which is a message I have always received from my Jewish lineages. Having a family is so highly revered that it is God’s first commandment to human beings according to our scriptures. Rabbis — as the spiritual models for communities — are typically married and abundantly blessed with children. I was not convinced by this cultural messaging alone, but over time I have also come to find that the householders with whom I am surrounded are among the most highly realized beings I have encountered on this plane. So I have devoted myself to the householder path — and the tremendous amount of mutual support and encouragement it requires to sustain.
Becoming a true householder myself was what brought focus to my public work on spiritual topics. While I had written about spirituality online for a long time, it never really found purchase until I had this concept to frame it for a specific audience.
The first project I called Householders was a podcast for my home Zen center, of which I recorded 59 episodes with my Dharma-sister and collaborator, Inga Annie Wade. It was actually this project that caused me to come back onto social media in the first place in 2020. While we ultimately decided to stop producing that show, I am extremely proud of every episode of it and feel it will stand the test of time as a complete work. You can listen to it on the ASZC website, and I have also imported it onto the @taalumot YouTube channel as a playlist.
Eventually, and for a period of a few years, I required some separation between my offline identity and the project that turned into @taalumot, so I was unable to make the Householders podcast part of the portfolio as I created and developed this website, even though the tagline was “Spiritual practice advice for householders” from the moment I started building it. Since then, Householding has been one of the core categories on my blog.
The term “householder” found its ultimate expression for me when I conceived of this site’s membership program. Now, Householders — with a capital H — refers to people who support my work as annual members. The core feature of that membership is a private online community called Base, where Householders are able to hang out, hold council, and support one another in a mode that is more considerate of our needs and lifestyle than social media could ever possibly be.
I have written a series of posts about Householders explaining the project in more depth, of which the launch post is the most comprehensive about what it is and how to be part of it, including for those for whom the standard membership is not affordable.
It is important for me to make clear that Householders is for people at any stage of life. It’s not just for people with kids and jobs; it’s for anyone whose spiritual path is one of engagement with the world as it is. In fact, the intergenerational nature of householder life is critical to its function. There are Householders who just graduated from college, and there are Householders whose kids are already in college, and everywhere in between. If being in online community would be supportive of your householder path, I encourage you to join Householders, and if you need financial assistance or a non-financial way to contribute, let’s talk about it.
